0¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Abducted by aliens!¼The foreign minister has been returned to earth after being briefly abducted by aliens. He is in hospital suffering from radiation sickness.#Foreign minister's skill: -5¼14¼2¼-5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Aid package to North Africa¼In a surprise announcement today, the foreign minister unveiled plans for a large aid package for Northern Africa, where millions are starving after three consecutive years of famine. This represents something of a departure from the so-called stand-on-your-own-two-feet-and-look-after-yourself-for-a-change foreign policy.#Popularity: +5#Money: -15000¼1¼5¼-1¼3¼-15000¼-1¼-1¼-1
2¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Amnesia epidemic¼Scientists are at a loss to explain the amnesia epidemic sweeping the country. This problem is beginning to cost the country an enormous amount in terms of lost productivity. Some people have been wandering for days, unable to remember their names, where they live, or where they work. A group of scientists apparently unafflicted by the illness has been isolated in a secret laboratory to try and find a solution to the problem.#Production: -10%¼4¼-10¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
3¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Crackdown on law and order¼The interior minister launched a tough on crime campaign today. Sources close to the minister say that he is anxious that the three men arrested for mugging him should receive lengthy prison sentences.#Popularity: +5¼1¼5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼10
4¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Crash!¼A wave of panic swept the stock markets today, as investors rushed to sell. Most old economy stocks lost around 40% of their value before lunch and continued their free fall until closing. Some stocks are no longer worth anything at all, and many of the major banks have started a 'suicide watch', in an attempt to pre-empt some of the expected suicides.#Popularity: -10¼1¼-10¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Doctors go on strike: death rate rises¼A two-day strike by doctors in the public health service has driven the death rate up dramatically. 'It is an outrage: they should be prosecuted for murder', said one elderly man, whose wife died during the strike.#Domestic demand: -15%¼16¼-15¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
6¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Fall in mortality¼The recent fall in the mortality rate is being attributed to improved personal hygiene standards in the current generation of elderly people.#Domestic demand: +10%¼16¼10¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
7¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Foreign minister becomes hero¼The foreign minister returned home a hero last night after police negotiators brought a hijack crisis to an end. The minister, who was injured during the hijacking, successfully negotiated the release of women and children aboard the plane.#Popularity: +5¼1¼5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
8¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Full moon¼There is a full moon tonight, and as usual, people are expected to act strangely. The police say that they will take the usual precautions, and have doubled the number of officers on duty to be able to respect their two minute response time.#Risk of uprising: +5¼8¼5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
9¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Interior minister bans painkillers¼The interior minister is known for making loud speeches about individual responsibility, but his uncontrollable desire to legislate constantly seems to get the better of him. His latest law bans all over-the-counter painkillers, dooming people with minor aches and pains to either suffer in silence or risk being ridiculed by their doctor. Companies have reported a significant increase in sick leave.#Stocks: -10%¼15¼-10¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
10¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Interior minister mugged¼The interior minister arrived drugged, beaten, and dressed as a woman at the central police station last night. He had been mugged while looking for his car after leaving a fancy dress party. Police have begun questioning three suspects.#Popularity: -5¼1¼-5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼3¼-1
11¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Mass suicide¼Around a thousand people may have died in a mass suicide just outside the capital. All the dead were members of a sect which believed that life evolved on the moon and ought to return there. Their original intention was to build a rocket, but a shortage of rocket scientists in the sect put paid to this idea, and suicide was finally considered to be the most sensible option, particularly by those who knew them personally.#Domestic demand: -15%¼16¼-15¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
12¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Message from the interior minister¼I've opened the new museum. It wasn't cheap, but I think you'll be happy when you see the results of the latest opinion poll.#Popularity: +5#Money: -20000¼1¼5¼-1¼3¼-20000¼-1¼-1¼-1
13¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Message from the interior minister¼I've launched a program to toughen up the country's prisons. People were complaining that we were soft on crime, so from now on all prisoners will eat out of a trough, work a sixteen-hour day, and get regularly flogged by the guards.#Popularity: +5¼1¼5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
14¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Minister injured in meteorite blast¼A research installation has been seriously damaged by a meteorite during an official visit by the interior minister today. The rock, with a diameter of 20 cm, struck the ground with the force of a large bomb. The minister is suffering from head injuries. #Research lab closed#Interior minister's skill: -10¼17¼-1¼-1¼14¼-10¼-1¼-1¼-1
15¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Minister spontaneously combusts¼The foreign minister spontaneously combusted in his study last night, but miraculously survived. Although he is still in a critical condition, it is hoped that he will be able to help explain this highly unusual phenomenon.#Foreign minister's skill: -15¼14¼-15¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
16¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Mystery hyperactive virus¼A mystery virus seems to be responsible for an outbreak of hyperactivity across the country, according to doctors. Sufferers typically start the day with feelings of intense lethargy and a nasty rash, which give way suddenly to uncontrollable fidgeting around lunchtime, and constant activity for about twelve hours. They usually sleep for seven hours, and the cycle continues for up to a week.#Stocks: +15%¼15¼15¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
17¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Oil slick¼An environmental disaster struck today in the form of a huge oil slick. Ten thousand gallons of oil were released into the water in an attempt to prove that the highly polluting substance floats on water. The government has generously agreed to pay for the clean-up operation.#Money: -20000¼3¼-20000¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
18¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Old building disease¼A mysterious disease is bringing down many of the nation's buildings. An as yet unidentified species of worm is apparently eating the particular type of stone extensively used in nineteenth century architecture, and causing major structural damage to these buildings. The interior minister has implemented an expensive emergency plan to save them.#Money: -10000¼3¼-10000¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
19¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Baby boom¼A mini-baby boom is being attributed to the success of infertility treatments.#Domestic demand: +2%¼16¼2¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
20¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Quake!¼The south east of the country was struck by a massive earthquake in the early hours of this morning, devastating towns and villages. Casualties are estimated at several thousand. Many people died when buildings weakened by the initial quake collapsed in the aftershocks.#Stocks: -10%#Domestic demand: -2%¼15¼-10¼-1¼16¼-2¼-1¼-1¼-1
21¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Minister closes zoo¼In response to the increasing public concern for animal rights, the notoriously sentimental interior minister has closed the city zoo, and ordered all the animals to be released into the wild.#Popularity: +5¼1¼5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼26¼-1
22¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Serial killer¼Police are still refusing to confirm reports that the murder of a journalist may be the work of a serial killer. The journalist is the fifth to die in mysterious circumstances in the last six months.#Popularity: -2¼1¼-2¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
23¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Tidal wave!¼A tidal wave has killed hundreds of people, destroyed installations on the coast and caused extensive flooding up to several miles inland. The rescue operation is now underway, as helicopters try to rescue those escaping from homes now underwater.#Stocks: -5%#Domestic demand: -2%¼15¼-5¼-1¼16¼-2¼-1¼-1¼-1
24¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Total solar eclipse¼Today's total eclipse of the sun has brought millions of tourists to the capital and suburbs. Unfortunately the Meteorological Office is predicting exceptionally poor weather for the entire area. The worst affected places will have storms, and those least affected will have gray skies and rain. Forecasters say that the chances of seeing the eclipse are virtually nil.#Domestic demand: +10%¼16¼10¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
25¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Immigration¼A significant rise in domestic demand is being attributed to the previous administration's relaxation of immigration policy.#Domestic demand: -2%¼16¼-2¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1
26¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Wild animals attack children¼It seems that in closing the city zoo, the interior minister failed to take adequate precautions. A number of attacks have been reported against children by dangerous animals unprepared for life in the city.#Popularity: -5¼1¼-5¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼28¼21
27¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Working week 10% longer¼The interior minister has successfully passed his most unpopular law to date: the so-called 'slave-driver' law. As of next month, the working week will be 10% longer, although public officials, and therefore interior ministers, will not be subject to this amendment, despite working fifty percent less, on average, than other workers, and will continue to work two hours a day for at least three days a week.#Production: +2%#Risk of uprising: +5¼15¼2¼-1¼8¼5¼-1¼-1¼-1
28¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼Zoo reopened¼Despite his insistence that animals be kept in better conditions, the interior minister has reopened the city zoo after dangerous animals killed a number of children on being released from captivity.#Popularity: +2¼1¼2¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼-1¼26
